


pick up the pieces

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Eliza didn't have a choice, F/M, I wrote this for class and my friend wanted some Hamliza don't judge, eliza is amazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 20:43:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9624581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In the summer of 1791, Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton was on a visit to her family in Albany. Her children and sister accompanied her, while her husband stayed in Philadelphia, alone. In that time he managed an affair, and years later published a pamphlet that earned him the title of the first big sex scandal in America. His wife never had a reaction for the public to see. Historians assumed she forgave him quickly, their seventh child being born only two years after the affair was published, but there are two sides to every story.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry ya'll

In the summer of 1791, Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton was on a visit to her family in Albany. Her children and sister accompanied her, while her husband stayed in Philadelphia, alone. In that time he managed an affair, and years later published a pamphlet that earned him the title of the first big sex scandal in America. His wife never had a reaction for the public to see. Historians assumed she forgave him quickly, their seventh child being born only two years after the affair was published, but there are two sides to every story.

___

_ I remember the rumors. Rumors dealing fraud and faith. _

 

It was July of 1797 when I read about what he had done. I was well into my

pregnancy with our sixth child. Alexander was away taking care of some work back in Philadelphia. With me was my older sister, who was here from England so she would not miss the birth of the baby.

 

The conversation we had when she first discussed the supposed faults of my dear Alexander was not one I would forget in all of my years of living.

 

“Have you read this pamphlet?” Angelica walked into the drawing room, it was a hot summer day, bright and sunny, so the children were out playing. Angelica held a pamphlet that looked to be about forty pages, I shook my head and continued to knit as I was before she walked in. “It was published by James Callender, it’s about our dear Alexander. He’s been accused of taking money and using it to pay James Reynolds.”

 

I looked back up to her and furrowed my eyebrows in response. “That’s completely-- that’s uncanny and out of character for my husband. He would never put his reputation in danger like that, who would think of such a thing! And then to publish it--”

“Don’t get worked up about that part dear, I haven’t finished what that pamphlet was about yet,” Angelica said, calming me. She was right, I shouldn’t worry about  _ that  _ part.

“Right, go on then.”

 

“The part of the pamphlet the people are talking about is the letters he cited, letters between James Reynolds and his wife.” Angelica gave me a look, that asked me if I wished for her to continue. I nodded again. “The letters do talk about Alexander paying Mr. Reynolds, but they also mention you quite a lot. Many speculate that Mrs. Reynolds and Alexander were having an affair.”

 

I dropped my yarn and the quilt I was knitting and grabbed the pamphlet from Angelica’s hand to read for myself. I was not going to take her word for it,  _ my  _ Alexander would never do this.

___

_ Is he unfaithful? Would he do this to me? Me, his wife, his dearest Betsey, his love? _

 

It was February of 1780 when we met, formally for the second time. I was young, twenty two years, and he was maybe twenty five at the time. It was a winter’s ball, and as a General’s daughter, I had been to enough of them to know how I should act. Of course this was a new area, New Jersey. I was visiting my Aunt to find a husband. And it was quite different from anything else as my friend Martha had said. But she knew the men here, and I was determined to meet at least one.

 

Alexander was a charming soldier, he lit the room with his never ending words, and danced with practically every girl. He was a handsome man with long auburn hair, and bright blue eyes. I could never imagine him ever looking at me without seeing something boring. It was a surprise when he walked over to me and introduced himself.

 

“Tis a lovely evening, is it not?” he greeted, then took my hand in his to kiss it. “Colonel Alexander Hamilton, my dear.”

 

I pulled my hand away before he could lay his lips on it, but I smiled at his as not to be rude. “I believe we’ve met, Elizabeth Schuyler. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

 

“Miss Schuyler, oh how could I have forgotten. General’s daughter, I should have known such beauty could only come from a Schuyler. Could you forgive me of my sin?”

 

“Why of course, but only if you care to dance with me.”

 

He smiled and took my hand again, I did not pull away this time. “Then we shall dance.”

___

_ Love never guaranteed a happy ending. I was too naive to deserve one.  _

 

That same day my sister gave me that pamphlet, I went through my letters from my husband, dating all the way back to our courtship. I saved every letter he wrote me, every letter. Each one worn and read hundreds of times, and later lay in front of me to read once more.

 

_ My very dear Betsey, _

 

_ Time and time again, I tell you, I love you much too dearly. I am awaken by your beauty, and by that I say you intrude upon my sleep. Seen in every dream is an enchantress by the name of Elizabeth, with black eyes and soft dark hair. And when I wake to see you not by my side, I am not to sleep again, but to rest in the sweetness that is you. With all my power I try to break the spell you lay on me, but you forever hold your empire in my dreams. Each hour I am away from you, you become dearer to me. And my urge to be with you, my lovely bride, is much stronger. I am more and more impatient and unhappy than ever before. I cannot wait to see you again. _

_ Ever yours, _

_ Alexander _

 

After reading the letter, I stifled a laugh, and held back my tears. When I first read that letter, I believed every word. Now seventeen years older, I lay my hands on lies. The man I swore my love and full being to, had betrayed me with a mistress who was closer to the age I was when we married.  _ Ever yours _ , was a simple phrase used to trick me into falling for him. 

 

I sat on our shared bed with my hand touching my swollen stomach and the life it held. I looked around my bedroom, and could still make out the lingering smell of him. I felt hot tears stream down my face, and wiped them with the hand not on my stomach. I was the fool who fell for his tricks.

___

_ No one deserves the pangs of betrayal. No one deserves the false hope of something new.   _

 

It was November of 1794, when he choose me over politics. I was pregnant for the sixth time, and something was quite wrong. Immediately, I wrote to Alexander of how ill I was, and how I feared for now only my health, but the health of our unborn child and our youngest, John. 

 

In Alexander’s past he witnessed the death of his mother due to a flu. He was sick as well, and although he got better eventually, he would never recover from the trauma he faced as a young boy. I knew the story well, but it wasn’t my intention to remind him of this when I fell ill. His worries overpowered my intentions. He was not wrong when he arrived home to worry. November was the beginning of the cold months. It was almost expected for some infants and children in our area, to die young of illness. Our children had always been healthy, so John’s fever was a shock.

 

Though I was grateful to see my husband again, that month was the worst month I had ever experienced. The day was cold when he arrived, I wouldn’t know that at the time. I was bedridden and that day was described to me by Alexander, as gray splattered with the dewy mist of tears and sweat. I’d awoken four days prior with a fever like my child’s, and a familiar bleeding coming from places it shouldn’t when I am with child. In the few days it took him to get here, I faced a pain I never faced before, I was left to cry on my own until he was there to comfort me.

 

“Eliza, my darling, we will be alright my dear,” he would say on days that were worse than others. Although I didn’t believe him I could hear the sincerity in his voice. “God will bless us with another child soon, Angel, I promise. And I will be here with you for the birth of that child.”

 

There were still days where I thought about the child I lost that week, but instead of the anguish I felt to begin with, the sad memory was replaced with one more hopeful. A memory of my Alexander, telling me a promise, he did keep.

___

 

_ You can’t explain why you allow someone to break you and put you back together. You can’t. _

 

It was weeks after Angelica handed me that pamphlet, when I confronted Alexander. He came back from Philadelphia, and the children were excited to see him again, with their smiles brighter than the sun, that hung long hours in the summertime.

 

The day however was not bright and sunny when he arrived, it was as gray as the day he described to me in what seemed like a dream, in the storm he was creating. He came home smiling at young Jamie, but his face fell when it met mine.

 

“I suspected Angelica told you,” he said. His tone ripped some of the anger I felt from my chest, but it reappeared when he looked up again at me. “I had never felt any regret in my life until I looked back moments after meeting you, Eliza. I wish with all my heart, I could take away any pain you felt since meeting me. Each morning I wake next to you is another day you have blessed me despite my faults. I do not expect forgiveness, my Angel, and I do not wish for forgiveness, I do not deserve it. But if you could find it in your heart, to let me be here for the birth of our next child, I will be forever grateful.”

 

I stood in front of him, and knew it would be foolish of me to think I had any other option but to let him be here with me and keep allow him to keep his promise. Marriage was forever and I had five children. But still, I stood. Counted the second that went by, until I made up my mind.

 

“You may keep your promise. And I will forgive you someday, but only if you can find a way to pick up the pieces.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was pretty bad, follow me on instagram tho, and sign up for that Amelie thing with my link (@tillipagoo)
> 
> Kudo and comment please!


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